I think getting sick and still trying recovery has got to be the hardest thing ever. When you think about it, what do you do when you're sick? Sleep, usually. Does that include eating? Not often. I was recently put on an antibiotic and didn't eat. This has caused quite the rift between my dietician and I. It has been frustrating on all accounts but honestly, I didn't expect to relapse this far. After journeying through some old forums I realized I have to stop. This isn't good, I shouldn't be reading about how to lose weight safely, because it won't be safe. I should be focusing on the class that I'm currently taking, not some forum full of sick people giving me advice. I can't seem to help it though. I haven't been to work in over a week because this illness has put me on my butt and I can't seem to pull it together enough to actually get to my job and focus.
At what point will it be too far? I keep weighing myself and while the number goes down, it will never be enough. I hit that point where the hunger doesn't really hurt as much, which should be scary but instead my brain just says that because I'm not working out that I don't need as much anyways, Overall it is very frustrating and in my healthy mind this would be downright scary to think that it goes this fast. Yet, I'm still doing it.
Another point is that I haven't been able to ride because I get too dizzy. I was going to but a lot of people have been looking out for me and discouraging me to ride. This above all may provide the motivation to dig myself out. Riding is about the only thing I had going for me and if I can't ride, what am I supposed to do to keep the bad thoughts away? It is my healthy release and I need to get back to it.
Anyways, you're welcome for the fever-induced nonsense I just typed out.
-A.
