Well friends, I began treatment. It has been a whirlwind of ups and downs, let me tell you! I first had to battle out with my insurance which was previously covered by the government. Due to all the commotion surrounding that at the moment, my benefits were denied. That being said, I worked out an alternative so that I could actually go through with treatment, much to my disappointment.
Don't get me wrong, I need this, but at the same time I'm regretting my decision. I'm not ready for treatment as my previous posting suggests. I could not be anymore painfully aware of that than when my dad came home while I was trying to eat dinner last night. While I was struggling to choke it down, he told me I obviously was being dramatic about it.
This goes against everything we've covered so far in therapy. Food is nourishment for your body so it can continue functioning. I figured it was functioning just fine when it wasn't, however that became glaringly obvious that was not the case when I noticed how little energy I had to complete simple swim practices. Something needed to change but my irrational thinking is that I'm slower because I have more fat. This is just terribly confusing because I keep on getting told different things everywhere and who should I listen to? The person who has been dictating my life, the people trying to help me in the hospital, or the voice in my head that has been present for over a year and seems to make sense?
Sorry all for that confusing post. I just needed to get it out somewhere.....
